Tips for Military Members Returning from Deployment
1.Plan on spending some time with the entire family doing family things (family dinners, game nights, picnics, school events etc..) but be flexible, especially with teens who are exploring their independence. Don't mistake their desire to keep their plans and routine as disinterest in your return.
2.Show interest and pleasure in how your family members have grown and mastered new skills in your absence and let them know you are proud of them. Comment on positive changes.
3.Expect that it will take a little time to become reacquainted with your spouse. Be sure to tell him or her just how much you care about them and do your best not to have high expectations of how things will be on your return.
4.Resist the temptation to criticize. Your family is not a military unit. Remember that your spouse has been doing his or her best to run the household single-handedly and care for the children while you were gone.
5.Take time to understand how you and your family may have changed during the separation. Go easy on child discipline-get to know what new rules your spouse may have set before you jump into enforcing the household rules, if that was your previous role.
6.Don't be surprised if some family members are a bit resentful of your deployment, while others may think of the deployment as fun, exciting and adventurous compared to staying at home-even if you know otherwise.
7.Infants and small children may be shy or even fearful around you at first. Be patient and give them time to become reacquainted. Again, be aware of your expectations and try to be flexible.
8.Resist the temptation to go on a spending spree to celebrate your return. The extra money saved during deployment may be needed later for unexpected household expenses.
9. Pay attention to the stress and coping reactions of your family and yourself. Pretending that serious issues don't exist or will go away on their own will only allow them to worsen over time. Be aware of the warning signs of a difficult transition and make the appropriate contacts for assistance when necessary.
11. Consider staying in touch with your battle buddies. Just because you are separated from them does not mean you can't still talk or get together every once in a while. It is normal to experience a sense of isolation when you first return. Talking with your buddies can help you both have an easier transition.
10.Most importantly, make time to talk with your loved ones. Your spouse and each child need individual time and attention from you. Remember, focus on the positives and avoid criticism.
Intentional and healthy communication will help to:
-Reestablish intimate and sexual relations
-Bring you closer together
-Accept the changes that both of you have made during your time away
Remember:
-Go slowly - don't try to make up for lost time
-Spend quality time with each child
-Accept that you and your partner may be different
-Intimate relationships may be awkward at first - this is quite normal
-Take time to get reacquainted
-Be careful of your expectations or fantacies that everything will pick up where it left off or that everything will be magically better than before you left.
(Developed by David Gretsch, Mobilization & Development, Ft. Hood MWR and modified by Kristen Russell MSW, American Red Cross-Central NC Chapter)